{"id":2293,"date":"2016-08-23T20:46:32","date_gmt":"2016-08-24T00:46:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/christopherdonahue.com\/?p=2293"},"modified":"2017-08-18T09:48:02","modified_gmt":"2017-08-18T13:48:02","slug":"bashed-in-the-face-by-my-very-own-cat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/christopherdonahue.com\/?p=2293","title":{"rendered":"Bashed In The Face By My Very Own Cat"},"content":{"rendered":"

Rising through\u00a0slumbering subconscious,\u00a0\u00a0I awake with\u00a0my two cats looming over me in\u00a0 the pre-dawn darkness.\u00a0In the early gloom, I make out the silhouettes of Felix and Quiet Rustle- both in Sphinx-like contemplation of my sleeping form. Without my knowing, Felix had been meowing and Quiet Rustle gave me a nudge in an effort to wake me up to feed them. They were uncertain… perhaps I was dead.<\/p>\n

But I rouse myself, and do a sleepy shuffle to the kitchen where, still in darkness, I grab a handful of cat food and drop it into the dishes for my two hungry buddies. I turn on the coffee machine and listen to it gurgle and brew the black-gold that will allow me to\u00a0fully regain consciousness and be a productive member of society. After a cup of strong, black joe, I head to the gym for a quick workout. The first light of dawn illumines the yard in a tranquil twilight as I jog off to the Y.<\/p>\n

Returning from the gym, in the golden, early light, my trusty cats greet me with joy! Felix runs here and there like a whippet. Quiet Rustle briskly scratches the tall cat tower while giving me a wild-eyed look over his shoulder. He looks like a crazed,\u00a0harpist as he plucked at the tower. I bend down to pet him and WHAM IN MY FACE!!!<\/p>\n

\"Picture<\/a><\/p>\n

As I bent down to pet him, Quiet Rustle had simultaneously launched his 12 pound body up\u00a0the five foot cat tower, bashing me squarely on the bridge of my nose with his hind-quarters. I didn’t know what hit me. My glasses went flying. I saw stars and staggered back, then sat on the couch.<\/p>\n

Later, as I was driving my wife to work, I noticed the bridge of my nose was swelling into a nice egg. It hurt to keep my glasses on and I worried I’d have a black eye. After dropping her off I returned home intent on taking some ibuprofen and icing my face.<\/p>\n

As I came in the house,\u00a0\u00a0the cats raced around and were glad to see me.<\/p>\n

This time I was careful when Quiet Rustle started making like a crazed, harpist.<\/p>\n

copyright 2016 Magnus Incognito<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rising through\u00a0slumbering subconscious,\u00a0\u00a0I awake with\u00a0my two cats looming over me in\u00a0 the pre-dawn darkness.\u00a0In the early gloom, I make out the silhouettes of Felix and Quiet Rustle- both in Sphinx-like contemplation of my sleeping form. Without my knowing, Felix had … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2293","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/christopherdonahue.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2293","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/christopherdonahue.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/christopherdonahue.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/christopherdonahue.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/christopherdonahue.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2293"}],"version-history":[{"count":24,"href":"https:\/\/christopherdonahue.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2293\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3113,"href":"https:\/\/christopherdonahue.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2293\/revisions\/3113"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/christopherdonahue.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2293"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/christopherdonahue.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2293"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/christopherdonahue.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2293"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}